Transcript
Introduction
"Johnny is the second unhappiest person I've ever known. I'm telling you this for a reason. Right here in front of Mr. Carson. Watch your step. Johnny's mood can go up to down in milliseconds. The situation about to be discussed would be very dangerous if word gets out. Keep a tight lip." Meanwhile, Johnny seemed impatient as if he had somewhere else to be. "Henry," Johnny said, finally arriving at the purpose of our meeting, "I have reason to believe my wife is cheating on me. I also have an idea who the son of a b**** is that she's shacking up with." No wonder, he had been restless. He had been sitting on a bombshell. "Well, I'll be happy to file a divorce for you if you want."
"No, I don't want you to file for a divorce," he interrupted. "I want you to go with Arthur and me and some other guys when we break into the apartment to find evidence to prove that she is cheating on me." My first reaction was to be appalled. No way, I thought. Members of the bar do not break and enter apartments. And yet, this was an immense opportunity at the beginning of my professional life to land a very major client and launch my career into the stratosphere. I hesitated. Suddenly, we were off into the night, into the rain, through the traffic, entering the door of the suspected love nest. In the bright light of the lobby, the sunglasses Johnny had been counting on to cover his identity proved useless.
"Hey, Johnny Carson," the doorman bellowed. But his delight at the sudden apparition of a celebrity in his lobby did not translate into a willingness to admit strangers into a residential apartment. "oh, no, I can't do that," the doorman said. "you wait here. I'll go get the building manager." Fortunately, the building manager turned out to be less committed to the sanctity of his tenant's domain. When I gave him a spiel about Mrs. Carson being the tenant, but Mr. Carson actually paying the bills, the manager appeared to be pondering the merits of my argument, which he did right up to the moment when Mullen grabbed his hand and slipped several hundred dollars into his palm.
"Yes, okay," the manager nodded. "Come on up, I'll let you in." Almost instantly, Carson discovered evidence of his wife's infidelity. The whole living room, in fact almost the entire pad, was furnished with discards from the couple's apartment. There were even some pieces that Johnny hadn't realized were gone. "Look, it's him," said Arthur. He was pointing to a table in front of the window on which sat framed photographs of Joanne's playmate. For the first time, I realized her noontime buddy was Frank Gifford, the former New York Giants football great and sportscaster for CBS. Crushed by the overwhelming evidence, Carson leaned against the living room wall and began to weep. It was a painfully uncomfortable moment.
While the rest of us tried to look away and give Johnny his privacy, it was, however, a small space and I couldn't always keep my eyes away. During one of those glances, I could see that Carson's raincoat had fallen open. I was shocked to see that Johnny was carrying a .38 revolver in his hip. I was beginning to feel exceedingly uneasy. Armed men, an emotionally ugly scene, a man in turmoil. Many an inferno has erupted with less kindling. Just as soon as Carson regained control of his emotions, the private investigator barked, "Let's go." Very little was said on the walk back to Johnny's apartment. The rain had subsided, but no one felt like recapping the raid. When we reached Johnny's apartment, he thanked us and said he was tired and wanted to be alone. He asked his houseman to give me a ride back home. As the car headed over the Queensboro Bridge, I realized I was probably one of the very few people who had ever seen Johnny Carson cry.
That was an excerpt from the book that I'm going to talk to you about today, which is Johnny Carson, and it was written by Henry Bushkin. And the entire book is filled with insane stories like that. I had a really hard time putting this book down. I devoured it in just a few days. I'll tell you where I got the idea. I had heard of Johnny Carson before. Actually the first time I actually thought about him, I was listening to a standup by Eddie Murphy. And he talked about -- this is back in the -- recorded -- the standup was recorded back in '80s, and he was talking about the divorce that Johnny was going through at the time.